11/11
Helen in the BMW in the front yard. She was wearing gold rimmed glasses and was complaining about the guy that she’s gotten involved with and he’s turned kind of weird on her.
The wonderful touch sensitive interface for creating music. In the girl’s shop who had decided she was going to give up the shop and started suggesting people go down the street to another shop, and now she’s decided to not close after all but her customers are gone. She was giving me some sort of name.
Water flooding Jan’s class – I’m in a large classroom with a bunch of students. There’s a lot of water really close by and the weather’s pretty wet. I’m barefoot and my sandals are close by and I’m at a table with my backpack. Jan’s teaching something but everyone’s distracted by the water. Suddenly, the water moves beyond the threshold that was preventing it from entering the classroom, and it completely floods the floor. I was noticing my sandals more than my backpack which isn’t good because I then realize that my backpack is partly in the water and my sketchbooks and other books are in the backpack. I pull them out but it’s too late; they’ve gotten wet. I start opening them and I need to drive them quickly. I have my art blow dryer in the backpack and Jan has it in her hand. I take it from her, not sure if she was intending on using it somewhere else but it is mine and I do need it right now, so I start using it.
Concern
Say It – song on the bus. I’m on a large bus sitting in a seat near the window. I have a notebook open in my hand. The two people in front of me are discussing a song. A girl was singing it people liked it called “Say It.” I think it’s by someone named OG Crush. I’m looking him up on the internet and there’s something scholastic about him like he’s affiliated with a university like Columbia. The girl singing it is one thing, but the two in front of me want to work it out into a fun song for a group. I’m listening to the song and there are some complications with it because it changes meter and relies on instrumentation to move thru changes in the song that if you tried to do acapela, it would sound weird. I’m thinking about how I could put it on guitar or drum. I’m waiting to see if they’re going to ask me to arrange it.
Wondering about creativity
Bus stop – Shamanic teacher and my djembe. The bus we’re on stops at a market of some sort. We’re heading up a long drive into the mountains to see a shaman I think. As I’m exiting the bus, there’s a large floor panel that’s missing and one of the passengers who reminds me of James from ICG is standing in water. He didn’t walk around the opening. I comment that he missed the way around the opening. I walk into the marketplace like in Peru. There are lots of things to buy, food to eat, etc. I skip all that and walk into a room where there’s this very androgynous woman talking about shamanism. I have my djembe with me and I sit down in the only chair. I’m lightly testing the skin because I’ve had it replaced and it sounds a little flat. I’m listening to “Say It” in my head and wondering if djembe is that way to go. When she gets done talking, her curiosity is drawn toward me and she starts talking to me. It turns out that she’s going to be teaching a shamanism course at the university. I’m thinking that it would be really interesting to study shamanism from a more academic point of view and I’m curious what she’s going to teach. She looks like Rob Lowe, but female. I wonder what her background is, who she’s studied with and what she’s experienced. I haven’t told her that I teach but there seems to be some connection between us and I want to know her and it’s obvious that she wants to know me.
I’m in a large nursery. Jerry has asked me to do some work for him at a nursery where he brings in fertilizers and such to help the employees keep the plants that they sell healthy. There’s a particular young man who’s showing me around so that I know which plants, which water sources, and which containers to focus on. There’s a particularly large fertilizer container that I’m focusing on. There’s also a plant that’s been cultivated that someone sells for $6. I’m scooping out fertilizer and giving it to plants and being shown around the premises. The dream switches and I’m in a house that I haven’t seen before. There’s a dining room in the front of the house and Jerry is sitting at the table. It’s rather dark. There’s a small study off to the side where my mom is laying in a recliner. At this moment, David comes home in a newer VW Beatle. He has a woman with him. I rub Jerry on the leg and walk outside to greet them. I get a flash of having been in a bar.
I’m with a group of people that seems to be some sort of revolt. The groups is in a long line and I’m with a few people who I know but don’t know. They know some people in the long line that are grey haired that look really familiar, like I know them but they don’t know me. It’s a feeling of being small in a sense. It seems that this revolt has been going on a long time and once I observed these people before they were grey. As I consider this, they all seem to be part of me that I’ve been revolting against for a long time and it’s getting old. I’m looking among the line and see Kirby with Trey. I go up and say hello. Things get fuzzy and then I’m in a home of some sort and Kirby brings Wrigley to see me. She’s had some sort of hair shaving and most of her hair is super short. Her skin doesn’t look really good but it’s still so wonderful to see her and she’s really happy to see me. I’m surprised how animated she is actually because I know she’s really old. It’s as tho Kirby’s brought her to me just before she dies.
I’m recalling that someone I know is talking to me about the coach training that they’re taking and there’s excitement about the topic they’ve just been studying with “Tony.” I’m confused and ask if it’s the Robbins-Madanes training and they indicate that it is. It makes me wonder if I should do that training.
I just got that title from the fact that I don’t want to do career coaching. When I look at what people are wanting, I don’t mind doing that but I don’t want to think I need to build up a skill set specific to that. It’s not what I wanna do.I’m asking spirit to come thru now and help me clarify what I wanna dooo now. Please come, Therelin and any other spirits who are as great as self or greater and want to help me with my vision and what to do on planet earth now.
Help people get to their soul’s essense. Find the essense that they’re vibrating at at the soul level b that’s been hidden by being human. Help remove and transform limiting bliefs and unfulfilled emotional states that are hiding that esssense so that people can live by it.
How do I do that?
Get it out of the way.
I need to speak about peace and calm. I’m trying to open up to information coming thru. I’ve never been able to hear spirit speak directly to me and I’d really like that to happen, to channel clearly. Spirit, can I please make that happen? What do I need to do? I really want to do that. Let’s make the channel clearer. Maybe I need to try automatic writing instead of automatic typing.
I’m having a bit of challenge around deciding whether to ask for my money back. There are some things that have been useful like the structure around your first session with a client (FSTS) and the Rapid Coaching System (RCS). I’ve have used the FSTS format partially for my first conversation with a client, but 90% have been clients that were already going to hire me. I wasn’t doing a free session offer. The one person that I did the free session offer for didn’t take my services, she chose someone else. The RCS has been used a couple of time, but really I haven’t needed to because I already know what to do with my clients when they come to me for healing. I’m mostly work on the inner psychology and blockages which is why they came to me in the first place. I didn’t get any value out of the Client Attraction and Money Making Mastery (CAMMM) because I still don’t have a flood of clients coming in even though I’ve read about and implemented those tools before I even went thru the CAMMM system. I find Christian to be somewhat disingenuous tho I can’t put my finger on why. Well, it may be partly that he had three different opportunities to use his miracle stuff on me, and I believe he chose not to because he wanted me to pay for and come to the Instant Miracle Mastery (IMM) program. He even told me that while I was at IMX after he muscle tested me and found that he might be able to help me with my HIV. If it were me, I would’ve jumped at the chance to help someone cure a disease, not ask for money around it. I guess I’m kind of answering myself. The program hasn’t worked for me. What has were the two coaching trios. My first coaching with Christian’s group was horrible. She basically told me that she’d help me if I signed up for a coaching program. That was lame, especially since I told her about the specific thing I wanted help with. The second session was with Carla. She was much better and went over for me, but I still didn’t get anything out of the session. I took a few notes from that session that I need to go over. Here they are:
• I need to be able to generate more leads online.
• Narrowing my niche has been really challenging. Os to stress management?
• My self confidence gets in the way. I come off as confident and assured but I’m so tired of it bouncing around back and forth, especially with clients that I sometimes can help and other times I can’t. I’m starting to feel like this whole shamanic path doesn’t really work. The spirits aren’t really listening. We’ve created a grand delusion. Even tho I’ve seen the evidence to the contrary. Sometimes I’m successful and sometimes I’m not. I can’t build a thriving practice if I have such a low success rate. Although doctors don’t necessarily have a high success rate with cancer. FUCK
• I really, at my core, love the study of the occult, the unseen, consciousness. I love helping people going really deep with this stuff.
• I’m not getting people to come in for FREE sessions.
How stressed are you today?
Ask people/invite them phrasing in the right way. They get a lot out of your fsts.
Blind leads are $297 for the session.
Other FB groups. Paying attention to who needs your skills and talking to them.
Instagram page for stress management + ads.
Speak to HR about employee productivity and stress reduction. I offer both.
Lunch & learns. Ask if they’d done meditation classes.
Google the industry standards.
Class: teach different styles of meditation like LSL.
Addicted to ibuprofen, drinking. Why they’re doing what they’re doing to cope.
What is the meditation to help. Maybe…
Blood pressure, BMI is ridiculous. People check out their bodies.
LinkedIn people.
Monster.com ads?
Articles of why meditation is good for you. Human resource depts.
Know your avatar – that they’re stressed and feel stuck. Maybe on statins and anti-depressants.
References to studies.
People in Texas and LA spend money on health and wellness.
You’re going to help them get the results they desire!!!
Speak their language, be the heart.
Helping people overcome their personal growth challenges.
I did my class yesterday. I’m still in amazement that I screwed up the recording. I dropped the f-bomb in class. I’m not sure I should’ve done that. I don’t really want to be a person that curses in classes. I know it works for some people that I don’t really like it all that much even tho I do it all the time. What’s up with that. The class was SO good. I really liked the usage of hypnosis a couple of time. The first time was when I led the group thru hypnosis to instill the Buddha’s 5 main teachings that everything changes, clinging to change leads to suffering, our thoughts are not reality, all we ever really experience is the present moment, and everything is interconnected. I think that was really powerful especially since I got the opportunity to shed some light on the maligning of hypnosis by Hollywood, and possibly prove that it works if the session was good for everyone. Then, I got to use hypnosis again when Elizabeth brought that we need to create new neural pathways. I did a quick hypnosis on visualizing a well trodden path in the forest and created the desire to forge a new path because the way seemed clear in another direction and just felt right at a deep level, speaking to the learning of the subsconscious mind in a way that Richard Bandler talks about. I also merged that aware of awareness based on the GAP technique by John Stone with the labeling from mindfulness practice. I think that’s a really great bridge. Elizabeth brought up that she’s just telling her thoughts to stop. I told her that she could do that but the thing that I really wanted her to understand is that the process is to first:
Acknowledge that you are not your thoughts or feelings.
Notice your body and where the feelings reside.
Use labeling on each thought and feeling.
Focus on the space between thoughts.
You could try to just tell your thoughts and feelings to stop. But then, where are you? Can you now focus on the space between thoughts? What about the feeling of the experience in the body? Does that work better or not? And it might be individual to everyone.
Then I did the “I am that” technique which I think was really powerful because it touched on some psychological stuff when asked to be someone that they found challenging. Adriana learned a lot from it and found that she had to exercise compassion toward the person and even see things from their point of view. Jackie found that she was able to completely clear the experience that she chose to work from.
We started the class with the journey into the three minds. It was awesome. I want to recreate it. The 3 principles the emerged were:
You are what you eat.
You are not your thoughts.
You are everything.
I hope I can make it as good next time. I think I want to write this out and make it really good. I know I can do that and make a great recording out of it. I talked a little about the imagination and I mentioned Bentinho Massaro’s interview where talked about imagination existing and we’re just tapping into it happening when we imagine. I may want to listen to that again actually so that I talk more about imagination before covering shamanism.
I didn’t talk about the whys of wanting to do meditation. What are the benefits. I also didn’t discuss how to practice. I just assigned homework. Maybe I’ll wait for feedback from people to discuss their challenges with practicing. Gosh, it seems like we covered such a little amount of the overall material I have! OMG!
I’m just sitting here waiting to see if my coaching trio is going to pick up. It seems that two of my peeps in my other coaching trio have signed up for Christian’s programs. I’m not even sure that they’ll want to continue coaching with me. But these two; I thought what was on the calendar was on the calendar. I just don’t know. It wondered if I seemed overly negative at the conference and people didn’t want to talk to me. But they all seemed to be overly confident of something. I know I’ve been like that in places where I felt really comfortable like Quest. I never really did encapsulate all my feelings about the event. Since I started writing this, I jumped onto the call with Don and Gail and did express a couple of things. Don said that he could feel the energy of Christian’s when he did IM. I’ve spent most of my life not feeling and couldn’t feel IM. Maybe that’s where I need to focus some of my energy, into feeling things. I make the excuse that maybe I’m not meant to feel so that I can do deposession work, but I’m not sure that’s true. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not just crazy.
My dreams seem to be really brief. This morning I was looking for a place to move with someone and he’d recommended this woman’s house. I went there as the other tenants were moving out. She was very eclectic. Man, that 11 drops last night gave me the worst diarrhea. I need to start it again today. I might do a coffee first to try to wake me up a little so I don’t feel so woozy. All day yesterday, I just felt like crap. And where’s Jerry? He sends me a little ping on Monday to ask if I’m home and I haven’t heard from him since. No inquiry as to my whereabouts or condition. It just kinda makes me upset. I wish it didn’t. And Rich is really making me dislike that situation. I detect that he’s getting frustrated but it goes both ways. I was just thinking about all the money that I need to get together to assure that the rent is paid this month. I thought for sure I would be able to get a client. I just don’t understand why it’s been so hard. I don’t know why Gary has refused to come in for a session. I just realized that I haven’t heard from whats-her-name down in LA. I should email her if I could remember her name. Wow, I’m getting the worst throbbing in my thumb right now.
So, here I am writing but it’s not writing much of anything. Just random journal thoughts. I wonder if this is really considered writing. I’ve gotten two of the classes completed and the compassing recording. I’d really like to write that sucker up. I also have things to do to get ready for Practicum. I have to check and then get fabric for prayer ties. I have to… gosh I really want to go to sundance. I really like sitting at the drum and singing and I only got to do it twice this year. I would SO go up to Rosebud if I could. I would really like to be on the Res for a dance. I’m just thinking of sitting at the drum with native singers and being included into that. I’m thinking of Mike Daily’s story about being in New York and all the songs he brought up that those guys didn’t want to sing and the only one they did wanted to was the ganja ninja song. I think that’s funny. You know, I sit here and write and don’t seem to ever feel like anything useful pops into my head, just ramblings. I wonder when something profound comes thru? I would like something profound to come out of my brain right now. I’m needing to go back to my todo list. I need to check the clothing and make sure there’s rain stuff in there. We need some food so I need to check the food list. I need to get the throat spray from Whole Foods which I’ll do today. I need to check the rest of the list. Check the power steering fluid. Some other stuff. Okay, that’s 500 words of nothing.
I finally got my viral load today and it’s gone up to 22k. I’m really bummed. I was SO hoping that it would’ve gone down below the last 10k mark, especially with the dance and prayers and my staying really close to the protocol. There’s really a large disappointment. Actually I’m going to work on that disappointment right now… well, I’ll continue writing… coffee?… sit with it, identify it in the body… I feel it in my heart… It’s read and black, I feel that failure that came up in my session with Nicola, and I feel sad. Now it’s green, slimy, I feel it in my face, It reminds me of watching my dog die, I’m sending it love, I’m making the dog a hero for dying in the line of duty protecting me and our homse… Now I’m filling my self with love. I have a pain in the back of my head, C1 on the right. It feels like the disappoinment around the HIV results is gone or diminished. How do I feel about it now? I’m ready to do TWiNN now I guess. Ok, I did it. I feel really tired now. I don’t really want to write all the much. Coffee?… I keep making coffee but damn, I feel tired. Might go meditate too. That sounds good. Just feeling sleepy. I shouldn’t have gone to be so late last night but I really enjoyed hanging out with Bruce. I can’t believe how late we went. Oh man… I’m just a crazy person. I do keep feeling like I need to rewrite my class notes for LSL. I have people registering for the class. They’re giving me money and they’re registering. It’s happening. I have emails I need to respond to. Kay Wong, Tina, Elizabeth… they want to write and I want to write them back. I want people to give me money. I want to improve my healing skills and so much of what I’m doing is working on business skills. Ugh. I am improving my healing skills and my business skills at the same time. I’m am curing my HIV right now as I type this. All of the stuff I’ve been trying is healing my HIV. The rise in VL is because it’s putting up a final fight but by the time I finish with these protocols, HIV will be gone!
