Music for the heart, mind, and spirit...

I finally got my viral load today and it’s gone up to 22k. I’m really bummed. I was SO hoping that it would’ve gone down below the last 10k mark, especially with the dance and prayers and my staying really close to the protocol. There’s really a large disappointment. Actually I’m going to work on that disappointment right now… well, I’ll continue writing… coffee?… sit with it, identify it in the body… I feel it in my heart… It’s read and black, I feel that failure that came up in my session with Nicola, and I feel sad. Now it’s green, slimy, I feel it in my face, It reminds me of watching my dog die, I’m sending it love, I’m making the dog a hero for dying in the line of duty protecting me and our homse… Now I’m filling my self with love. I have a pain in the back of my head, C1 on the right. It feels like the disappoinment around the HIV results is gone or diminished. How do I feel about it now? I’m ready to do TWiNN now I guess. Ok, I did it. I feel really tired now. I don’t really want to write all the much. Coffee?… I keep making coffee but damn, I feel tired. Might go meditate too. That sounds good. Just feeling sleepy. I shouldn’t have gone to be so late last night but I really enjoyed hanging out with Bruce. I can’t believe how late we went. Oh man… I’m just a crazy person. I do keep feeling like I need to rewrite my class notes for LSL. I have people registering for the class. They’re giving me money and they’re registering. It’s happening. I have emails I need to respond to. Kay Wong, Tina, Elizabeth… they want to write and I want to write them back. I want people to give me money. I want to improve my healing skills and so much of what I’m doing is working on business skills. Ugh. I am improving my healing skills and my business skills at the same time. I’m am curing my HIV right now as I type this. All of the stuff I’ve been trying is healing my HIV. The rise in VL is because it’s putting up a final fight but by the time I finish with these protocols, HIV will be gone!

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 16th, 2016 at 11:26 am and is filed under Daily Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.