Music for the heart, mind, and spirit...

I’m reading Dion Fortune right now and having this issue with Nelson. It seems like he wants a different practitioner, one who “sees” the beings he’s experiencing. We did one really long session and maybe he wants someone more powerful. After reading Dion Fortune, it sounds like there are people who can move in and out of the astral realm. I don’t know why I have so much trouble with it. I also wonder if I can actually be good at this kind of work if I can’t “see.” Dammit. I’ve tried so hard to do this work from a place of love and light. Maybe the two don’t mix. I think back to those that say that the astral realm isn’t someplace you should stop in and hang out, that you should move further into the mental and causal realms. I don’t even know if I do that. I do something. I just don’t “see.” I wanted to help Nelson in the same way that I want to help David Neuman. I did that soul retrieval for him but I don’t know that it helped him. I don’t know what it’s like to have a being constantly pestering you. At least I don’t think so. Maybe I do. Maybe that’s what’s going on with my sexuality. I wish that my spirit guides would help me to understand and figure this stuff out. It’s really getting to me. If I’m going to be shamanic practitioner, I need to improve my game in some way. Oh, all of this just seems so damned complicated. I need to connect with Therelin. I’m not convinced that I need to do automatic writing with a pen. It’s just too slow. Automatic typing. That’s where it’s at. If Nelson can do this, what makes him different than me? Is it true that I am not that sensitive because it gives me the ability to work with people like Nelson? Is my protection enough to keep me safe? I think so. Please Therelin, tell me how to proceed. Fucking leaf blowers. Ok, they’re done. I just tried to meditate. I realized that I’m very irritated now that I can’t get my mind to shut the fuck up, I can’t astral project, and I’m not getting anywhere in meditation… and here I am trying to reposition myself as a coach and I’m feeling pretty whack. Ugh. I hope this passes soon. I think I’m really tired too.

This entry was posted on Monday, July 11th, 2016 at 11:08 am and is filed under Daily Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.